I think I can smell my own vagina right now
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
