he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
