oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
