saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
