Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
