my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
