This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i drank out of a bidet.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Who died my cat blue again?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
