put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
