It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
