So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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