i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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