i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I wish I only lived at night.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
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i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
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New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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