This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
