Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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