dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
