i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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