I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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