hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
