i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
