I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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