He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
