it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
