Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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