I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
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Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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