yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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