apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
