I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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