so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
