Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
you never un-have a 4some
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
