Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
