They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
