i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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