I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
