FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Operation Purity has been aborted
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
