Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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