My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
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We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
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I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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