She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
