these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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