True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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