He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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