i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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