4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
