We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
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No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize