we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
