i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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