apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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