HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
