I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
