There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
