Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Randomize
