Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
