you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
