I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
