is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
