I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
