my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
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