i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
