i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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