Acid is not a monday night drug
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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