oh god the rape fog is back!
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
