do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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