Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
