Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
