True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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