yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
