it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
