i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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