I showed him my bush... on skype.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
