I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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