You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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