I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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