Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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