feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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