you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
