Kareoke will never be a sober sport
it hurts more in the daytime
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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