Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
where am i from again
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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