is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
