she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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