I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
